i've been at home the whole day today, damn bored. play games until sianz, watch tv until no shows, eat the food until none left. fren jio me go mahjong, but tis week i no gian for mahjong lehz. wanna go sitec but heard it was freaking crowded.

sianz

tmr is hari raya haji ... means gonna hav another long weekend ... AGAIN !! hahahaha, last week got long weekend becos of SAR off, tis week becos of public holiday !!!

ho ho ~

aint i lucky or wad *wink*

sometimes i wonder, is it really 'Love' im looking for or is it juz 'Companionship' i yearning for.

sometimes, i really hope there is someone there for me 2 lie on her shoulder when im sad or feeling down, talk to her when im lonely alone, & hug her kiss her on the forehead & say i love her.

but sometimes when i think for the long run, i began 2 scare & worry ... m i really looking for 'True Love' or juz someone i can really depend on ... ?

1 of my buddy held his bday party at Changi Aloha & god tat place was so deserted & so difficult 2 get 2. we actually walk the wrong way when we were trying 2 find the place. dun really saw alot of familiar faces rather den his family members. alot of his frens were those from JC & Uni.


we got him a razer mouse & keyboard for his bday present.



we stayed wif him till the next morning, playing cards & mj wif his brother & sister & 1 of his fren & damn was my eye damn red ... din brought my glasses, wear my contact lens the whole day & i felt as though my eyes gonna pop-out. the next day went back home, i slp like a dead pig ... omg ~ haha

went 2 cut my hair earlier in the morning. din took me too long to cut the long. the hair-dresser said my hair was long & messy when i went into the salon but to me, my hair was still alright. long ... ... dun think it is cos my camp no 1 complain; messy mayb becos i nv go style or wad tats y its messy.

after bathing, i try straightening my hair. kinda hard ... even till now, my hair ... ... i dun think its really that straight now.

i applied leave for the whole of this week becos of her ... 11 nov was her 21st birthday ... wanted to celebrate with her, give her a surprise, show her she really meant alot to me ... but in the end, i was all alone at my empty house. that's the least i had expected. din really expect tis to happen.

haha, sometimes i wonder ... is god playing a prank on me ... i mean ... let me reconcile wif her but end up in misery once more ...

hmm now more or less i hav gotten over her ... so i think its time for me to really put things down once & for all ... 

ytd juz celebrated kaixiang 21st bday ... we bought him a braun buffel wallet & another pouch for him .. sianz, next week is junwei's turn le ... wth, needa spend another dollars on another bday le ... next week is also mirri's bday ... aiyo aiyo ... totally forgot november got so many ppl de bday, tis time sure jialat jialat liao ... needa spend money until my pocket got 1 big hole liao ...

last sat, i saw tis sugar-mommy at yuki-yaki located at marina square & omfg is she hot & pretty

until now i still cant forget how hot she looks

damn ~

juz scouted a new band tat their song is quite nice ...




Band : Cartel
Specialties : good vocal, no screamo
Recommended Songs : Honestly, It Still Remains, Runaway, Typical
Recommended MV : Honestly (can b found on youtube.com)
now im listening 2 another band by the name of Sum 41. dun really know whether its nice or not ... some of the songs is still ok but for some ... ...

231009 is 1 of a friday tat i wished it wont come ... all the fridays in our sqn usually are called the 'minimum flying' day but for 2day, the flying schedule was packed, so packed it occupy almost the whole board. i was stunned when i saw the schedule the moment i reach the sqn office tis noon. but the last landing was quite early so its quite alright.
den suddenly, the weather dun look so good, so all flying were cancelled. at 1st we all tot tats kinda good news, but den we realize all the g/run still hav 2 run, which were in the evening. there is onli 2 a/c ... but wif MULTIPLY g/run !!

gg ~ 

nvm, we finish the g/run ard 1900+ ... den it was too dark for any other g/run but our fucking stubborn Mr. Encik insisted on doing another a/c. we were like ... WTF !??! & we did, 1 g/run in the night & tat was my 1st g/run in the night ...

fuck ... after tat, still need 2 drain out all the fuel which was like alr 2200+ ... wtf ... when we left, the job was still undone ...

totally exhausted

2day my man, Raphael celebrate his 21st birthday ... kinda of like a belated bday ... his actual date was 7th oct but during tat time, we were all in brunei & his parents kinda wanna make his bday a big 1 cos it's their onli son 21st bday.

they actually book 1 whole bowling alley, ard 10 lanes i suppose .. or mayb more, not quite sure abt tat ... at this place called the 'hometeamNS' or smth like tat ... lol ... dun really know the name ... going in is alr a difficult task let alone remembering the name ... lol ...

got tonnes of food, all indian food ... not saying it isn't nice its juz tat it's ABIT too spicy ... lol ... ABIT cant tahan the spicy spicy feeling ... lol ... but overall, the food is nice ... some more still got ice-cream ar ! haha ...

we din get to eat the cake, we left not long after we sang the bday song ... cos we still got work tmr ... some of them working in the morning, some the noon ... so all went back tgt ... leaving my man raphael & the rest of his frens & family members, still enjoying the party at the bowling alley ... lol

1 of my bro cheok ask me 2 go Never-Land tis sat, calling me 2 bring my sis & jasmine (my sis fren) along ... haha ... & my sis is kinda eager 2 go ... lol din really expect tat ...

omg ...
haha ...

2day, 091009 marks the last day of work in brunei ...

* calls for a celebration *

very tiring day as usual, due 2 the god damn weather ... always tis damn hot ... juz like tekong ...

hope i got some sweet & peaceful weekend for the coming 2 days ... den on monday, 

2day marks the day of our end of deck dinner, means we are closer 2 going home le !! haha, been waiting for tis day 2 come for a god damn long time le ... although the food is very normal, but still ... $15, u cant expect lots & somemore from brunei ... wad do u expect ?? lol ...
the dishes we had is some prawns, curry fishhead (my fav), some vegetables, some brewed chicken, slice pork, etc.

den after tat still got birthday cake 2 eat ... which is for those whose birthday falls in the deck, which im 1 of them too ... still got birthday song lahz, which is 1 of the part i really love when it come 2 a birthday ... duno y ... mayb its becos i hardly hear ppl singing tat 2 me ... hmm, thinking back, i hardly celebrate my birthday ...

hah ~ 
 tmr still hav 2 wake up early, working at 8am ...

whoo ~ ! having 2 days of day off ...
happy ~
den back to work on fri ... my last working day in brunei ...
hope tat is really the last working day ... hmmm cant confirm anything in brunei ... nth can b confirmed here in brunei becos shit always happens here ... all kinds of shit ...

thurs, 081009 will the our deck dinner ... i alr know whr the restaurant is ... looks kinda small, dun even know can fit all of us in it or not ... hmm juz hope the food there is good ... cos i FUCKING pay for like $15 for it ... ! if the food there is like crap ... *faint*

btw ... 2day is my fren Raphael 21st Birthday !!!
Happy Bday Raphael !!!
=D 

the previous injury tat i got from the bball match i had like last wk ... still hurt ... duno y ...

whenever i try 2 bend my thumb backwards, the pain will b dere ... so pain tat the movement of my thumb had become quite restricted ... hmmm ... duno when will the pain go away ... hope the pain will juz ease & go away by itself ... its no more swollen or bruised ... duno y its still hurt so much ...

wif the injury there, quite alot of things tat involves wif my thumb r restricted ... abit hard for me ... cant even go play ball becos of this injury,

gotta wait for it 2 heal 1st ....

tmr, 031009 which is a Saturday ... i hav 2 wake up at 0630 cos im working in the morning shift which start at 0830. Fuck ... saturday still hav 2 work ... some more work so early ... damn ... & wads more 2 come ?? sunday also hav 2 work ... FUCK x 2 ... cant even spare us the onli weekend break we hav in a week ... haiz ... tis whole week is like working in the god damn morning shift ... which 2 days consist of 0600 & 2 days consist of 0630 ... wah, bth ... tis whole week working so early, can even get enough slp during the night, feel so tired & sleepy everyday & everytime during work ... keep yawning & cant concentrate ... duno wad those superiors r thinking, keep stressing us out, nv think about our safety & sufficient of rest ... wad if something happen 2 us ? wad if suddenly we had accident & its cos by insufficient of rest ... ?

god damn those who plan such an early day ...

2day finally mark the last day of september ... & finally can countdown 2 the day home le ...

sianz, cant get my embarkation off on the 131009 becos of some stupid Buddy-Aid course tat me & my batch-mates hav 2 attend. its some 2 days crap course whr u learn all ur CPR & First-Aid stuff ... can we really make full use of it when we learn it ? & can we still rmb till the day we need it ? heard my senior say its a 8 - 5 daily course for 2days ... but tats for regular, duno abt NSF ... hope the course is short ... damn after coming back 2 Singapore, still hav 2 attend tis kind of crap ...

so eventually i change the date of my embarkation off to 161009 which is on the friday ... lol ... long weekend lehz ~ 

she told me we better be frens, start afresh, all over again, from scratch ... ... something tat i dun really wann hear ... i tot she would say at least go back 2 the time b4 when we were tgt ... at least i still know im still in her heart, somewhr ... but now ... looks like im been locked out from her heart tis time ... & the key tat i need is locked inside wif her too ...

suddenly, wad she type 2 me makes me wanna cry abit ... or mayb cry out loud ... i duno ... i duno wad i should do or think ...

looks like tis time, i really lose her le ... really no chance for me 2 hold tat hand & call her B again le ...

i afraid tat after tis incident, i also dun wan & dun dare to love anyone le ... feels like locking myself up too .. i think tats the onli way i dun go hurt anyone & not let myself get hurt too ...

:'(

i really hope i can tell her tat i cannot live my life without her ... but i cant ... im afraid tat if i let her know, den she will b soft-hearted & come back 2 my side for the sake of making me happy, making me able 2 carry on ... which i dun wan ... i wan her by my side, but i wan her 2 b happy & blessed even more den anything else ...

2 me, she is everything ...

i rather live in agony & pain, suffering every single day just 2 see her perfect smile on her beautiful face every time i saw her ...

p.s. : if YOU r looking at this post, i wanna tell u tat " I LOVE YOU ~ "

in brunei, when i needed her support & love the most, she left me ... i totally crashed down, fall 2 the btm of the pit, dun ever feel like standing up again ...

every min & sec i spend in brunei, biting my teeth holding on ... is juz becos of seeing her on the very day i return ... but now ... i some how hope tat the day for me 2 return nv come ... cos when i return, i duno how m i gonna face her ... i know the love for her is always gonna b dere, nv did fade, nv will fade ... but i dun ever dare 2 love her again ... i dun wan myself 2 get hurt, hurt so badly ... i dun wan tis kind of feeling any more, makes me feel like there is no tmr, feel like everyday is the end of the world ...

all the things & stuff i ever think of doing it wif her when i get back, now i hav 2 do it myself ...

haiz ... really feel like everything is falling apart for me ... even myself, my body, my soul, my heart ... ~